Pop Panel . - Week 6

Pop Panel never ceases to get me. One week Kim Zolciak scoops the pool with a perfect score and the future a couple of critically acclaimed indie-pop darlings take the prize. At least it's never boring! I take to take I'm sort of torn by the result. I would have loved our runner up to win. It's the 2nd time she's almost snatched victory and I believe she deserves it for having 3 great singles out this year.

But then our master is awesome and I've been playing that call on repeat for weeks. Actually, unlike the former judges, I actually like most of the songs this week. Some for their so bad it's good prayer and others because they're just pretty - if not strikingly original. Oh well, you be the judge. Is this ace of the week up to start or should the following judges get a spirit and get off the internet?D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and IdolatorMike (AUS) author of this classy blogThe Prophet (AUS) writer of The ProphetWe were also aided by the following bloggers:Gordon (UK) writer of the amazing Diva Incarnate. If high camp pop is your thing, then his blog is THE aim to be!andEnric (Spain) writer of Blog petit, pero valent. He's one of my hot Spanish bitches, so you know he's defining.and last but definitely not least we get a stunning celebrity judge!Erika Jayne is one of the hottest dance divas on the bar right now. Her first 4 singles shot to #1 on the US club chart and her new hit "One Hot Pleasure" looks set to follow suit. Erika's catchy jam perfectly straddles the pop and dance worlds. It's slick, catchy and sexy. It was also scripted by club King Dave Aude and my homegirl Luciana - so you acknowledge it's quality. And don't even get me started on the video (below). It contains so much fabulousness that prolonged expocertain is sure to release you gay. Despite the fact that Erika is pure sex and actually turns it out. Give it a look! The call is on iTunes now. Buy it. I actually desire this is her crossover hit. An Australian record label would be mad not to start on it. I'm so frantic to get her on board!As usual the songs are rated from last to highest. Here goes!Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me (Video)Daniel's horse faced sister is back.D'Luv: If Natasha spent less time working with trendy writers and producers and more time actually writing decent material like her first album, I might not get to sit here every time I see one of her goddamn boring-ass songs and wonder why I never got to know her brother when he was fragile and still relevant. So love her. 1.5/5Diva Incarnate: You've really lowered the bar with this one: the right thing around this call is that if you wish it you can just buy Beyonce's "Halo" off itunes instead. -5/5Enric: I must say that I detest her with all my heart, I detest her annoying voice, her tampon-ad songs, and her appearing on Nicki Minaj`s album. But, for the start time ever, I know her rip off of Jordin Sparks` Battlefield. Is Ryan Tedder (producer of the track) trying to have another Halo-Already Gone thing? 5/5Erika Jayne: Saw the video. Love the new fashion risks she`s taking. Can`t look for the remixes! 2/5Mike: Thanks for that charming story, Proph. I'll never be capable to hear to "Unwritten" again without wanting to address the authorities. As for Natasha - she still looks like a remote relation of Phar Lap but "Halo" is my probably my favorite song of all time, so anything that rips it off this closely is ok by me. 4/5The Prophet: I can't think I used to love Natasha Bedingfield when I was younger. When I was an underage teenager and first moved to Sydney I made this creepy old guy who was obsessed with me buy me one of her singles. He didn't even buy me her album. He was such a freak actually, once I went to his family to wreak my Gamecube because I didn't get a TV yet, and he had this young teenage boy staying with him who looked like some street trash who had been kicked out of family and was sleeping with this old pervert to observe a ceiling over his head. I just ignored it and continued playing Resident Evil, then went home. 0/5Total: 7.5/30Edita - I`ve Come To Life (Video)Winner of German X Factor`s debut single.D'Luv: Musically, this song sounds like a clone of Hurts' "Wonderful Life." Vocally, it sounds like Leona Lewis getting pile-drived beneath the Brandenberg Gate, with thighs jutting out to each side like twin beacons of freedom. 1/5Diva Incarnate: Since she's German I make this a nine! And in English I hold it a 2.Enric: A beautiful song, but it sounds so Ryan Tedder that it gets tiresome after the 1st chorus. I enjoy seeing Sarah Connor, she perfectly fits in this blog. 3/5Erika Jayne: Go Germany! 1/5Mike: Back off, bitches! Edita might appear like a shopgirl from Magdeburg playing dress up in an outfit Diana Ross discarded circa 1985 but she can talk and the strain is lovely. I can't look for my copy to come from Germany!5/5The Prophet: Not merely did Mike purposely ignored ALL my pop panel suggestions this week, but rather than use one of my epic submissions he stuck this German BITCH up instead to Hurt me because he knows I hate Germans, Germany and Mike's German heritage. This kick is floppier than my 8 inch dildo Alejandro. ZERO! 0/5Total: 12/30Mariah & Patricia Carey - O Come All Ye Faithful (Video)Mimi teams up with her mum on this Christmas carol!D'Luv: I think now we know where Mimi got her pipes from. And her preference for fucking for tracks. This is so Mariah-style over the top it's acquiring a perfect score. 5/5Diva Incarnate: Mariah still shrieks those tender high notes like someone's fish-hooked her vagina. Hard to say if she is going a voicemail to Kanye or actually singing come-ye. Does she sing this to her 12 year old husband when he has nightmares? 2/5Enric: Mariah (who is actually 46 months pregnant, judging by her full size) and her Opera singer-wannabe mum Patricia turn Christmas into a nightmare full of fear, screams, high notes and broken glasses. Pay particular aid to the 2:03 mark and try to go it. 2/5Erika Jayne: Xmas is one of my favorite holidays. Mariah is the ultimate Xmas carol diva. 3/5Mike: I look like I've just spent 3 and a half minutes in Mimi's high kitsch rainbow coloured world where all pets wear Santa costumes and 9 inch heels are normal footwear for heavily pregnant women. It's as ardent and personal as it is absurd and cringe-worthy. Which absolutely sums up Christmas, doesn't it? 5/5The Prophet: I love Mariah and "I Nevertheless Believe" is one of my all time favorite songs, but nobody gives a fuck about this Christmas album or seeing her sing a pair with Mother Mimi. For this Holiday season I'm on team Auntie Susie (The Gift! and Jessica Simpson's stunning Mariah knock-off "My Only Wish" from her festive opus "Happy Christmas" which peaked at a dizzying #123 on the Billboard Charts. 0/5Total: 17/30Kylie & Taio Cruz - Higher (Video)Kylie's latest adventure is a duet with UK pop sensation Taio Cruz.D'Luv: I hate to say it, but Kylie seems a little desperate doing this. It sounds like some anonymous dance track any studio singer from Germany could have lent vocals to, and if the 'Aphrodite' campaign needs this character of stunt to prompt people that Kylie's got an album out, best only to go on. 2/5Diva Incarnate: The most natural Kylie has looked since chilbirth. The just thing getting higher is her right eyebrow. Taio probably thinking she was Lulu anyway. 3/5Enric: Maybe I dreamed it, but I consider this was meant to be on Aphrodite. Let`s hope it`s on the re-release (by the way, I want it`s called Hermaphrodite) because it`s awesome. This is my favourite Kylie era ever. 5/5Erika Jayne: I`ve ever been a fan of Kylie - how could you not?! 3/5Mike: I know it. Taio is on fuel and this is as near to current Dannii's withered up sister has come to sounding. since "Get Outta My Way"! A shame then that Kylie is still wasting her time promoting the mega flop "Better Than Today" and a Christmas EP that no one wants when she could get a hit on her hands with this gem. 5/5The Prophet: This gets three points for Kylie, but minus two points for Taio, leaving us with ONE. 1/5Total: 19/30Dyan Tai - Why Sydney? (Above)Introducing the success of Sydneyvision 2010 - a suburb vs suburb Australian take on Eurovision!D'Luv: Thank God - new masturbation material. 4/5Diva Incarnate: Sounds like a forgotten wigfield remix with that bassline. Since I love Asian lesbians I make it a 5.Enric: I love the instrumental, sounds simple but dancey. But his part and his extra-feminine acting, added to the cheap video and the worst clothes selection ever, makes me feel confused. I desire to wish it, but I can`t. 1/5Erika Jayne: I saw his video, and know his artistic-ness with his make-up. 2/5Mike: Fuck off, Altiyan. Australia's next music god is already here! 5/5The Prophet: Defining! Australia's answer to Far East Movement has arrived! Dyan looks like one of those asian Twinks you see tweaking on charge 1 at the Midnight Shift. 4.5/5Total: 21.5/30Wynter Gordon - Dirty Talk (Video)US dance diva has an Australian hit on her hands with this sleazy tune.D'Luv: I look like this song has been out for at least a year, right? And didn't it make a wholly different video at one aim? This one's much better. Wynter's a trooper, and so I'll make her 3.5/5.Diva Incarnate: Lukewarm trance. Not so much lyrics as reading aloud Dannii's dressing room demands. 3/5Enric: Keri Hilson`s cheap version is even trying to top any chart. I adore one of her first songs, "Surveillance", and perhaps you loved it too in 2007. "Dirty Talk" is not better, but is one of 2010 most finest tracks. 5/5Erika Jayne: I really like this song - I can refer to the sexy lyrics. I know a lousy conversation. 4/5Mike: My bed for this gorgeous creature knows no bounds. I hope this is huge for her. She deserves it, Wyn has been on the mill since 04! 5/5The Prophet: I've been a Wynter fan since the "Surveillance" days, but now all of a sudden that she's this new club Queen every fickle flop out there is on her clit. Wynter is MY affair and I was performing this song since the moment it leaked so stay mad. 4/5Total: 24.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK Crystal Castles - Not In Love (Video)Features vocals of The Cure's Robert Smith.D'Luv: I lived for The Cure when I was 13 and 14. Nice to see that Robert Smith still has teenage boy voice all these years later, now that I'm 19. Alright, joking aside, I'm 22 and this song is a winner. 5/5Diva Incarnate: When the pop is severe and hooky I usually cream my pants but candidly shit emo vocals rub me with more annoying than Michelle McManus's thighs. The fizzy synthesizers save it. 3/5Enric: I love them because they messed up their performance last class in Barcelona, throwing vodka and drums to the audience. I know the ravey chorus and it`s always great to see Robert Smith`s vocals. 4/5Erika Jayne: I grew up listening to The Cure. I love Robert Smith! His part is one of a kind. 4/5Mike: A great cover a forgotten 80s gem. Sad, beautiful and haunting. 5/5The Prophet: Finally some serious music graces the Right panel. 5/5Total: 26/30